We’ve narrowed names down a lot but we’re not there yet. With only 7 weeks to go, we need to figure it out soon! I tried setting up a super high-tech fancy online poll thingy but ran into issues so let’s do this the way people have been doing it for hundreds of years:
Post a comment to my live journal telling me which of these names you like best.
* Nicolaus Henry Ard (Henry after Kevin’s dad)
* Nicolaus Edison Ard
* Nicolaus Elijah Ard
* Nicolaus Eli Ard
* Nicolaus Robert Henry Ard (Robert is my dad’s name, but Kevin hates when people have two middle names)
* Nicolaus Isaac Ard
* Nicolaus Benjamin Ard

Some quick notes on the name Nicolaus…
1. The unusual spelling is because he’s named after Copernicus. Plus I think the “H” clutters things up.
2. Anyone calling him Nick before he’s a teenager will be kicked in the groin.
3. Nico is the little boy nickname I prefer, no matter what you say about any weird music chicks from the 80s.
4. Nico rhymes with Pico, not with Sicko. Anyone who makes it rhyme with sicko will be ridiculed in subtle but embarrassing ways. And maybe kicked in the groin.
5. Yes, Bryan and Christina will be getting a cool prize for suggesting the name Nicholas. :-)

Thanks for your help everyone!

Love,
Boogaloo

In past generations, mothers didn’t have to think about it. At some point the nurse would just bring you your baby and tell you that he had been circumcised and here’s how you take care of the wound, thank you, have a nice day.

Now though, they give you literature listing pros and cons in all caps. Then you have to sign forms and check a box that either says “Circumcise my son” or “DO NOT circumcise my son”. So it’s not even a decision you can passively make and then later claim you didn’t realize what you were doing. It’s right there, on record, with your signature. You even have to send in your decision ahead of time so you can’t claim that the narcotics made you do it.

So here was my first major parenting dilemma. Kevin said that he would prefer to do it, but would defer to me if I felt strongly against it. That left it up to me to muddle through the information to find an answer that made emotional and logical sense.

I went to the internet, expecting to find the obvious right answer. Instead I found objective experts hemming and hawing, and lots of incredibly biased information.
On one side you have anti-circ sites that conduct studies proving that the surgery is the most traumatic thing in the world by asking adult circumcised men “Do you think that was traumatic for you?”
The pro sites are no better, with their claims that circumcised boys are more likely to grow up to be highly educated and wealthy. Of course we could also use their methodology to prove that if we have our son circumcised, he is more likely to grow up to keep Kosher.

I tried to be vigilantly aware of the bias, but about three times a day I found something that would firmly convince me in one direction or another. One day I decided: No way was this going to happen. From this point of view I smugly read through message boards, shaking my head at the cruel parents who would subject their sons to needless torture. But later that morning I read about smegma and cheerful advice like “Yes, moms, that smell is natural!” and I couldn’t help the part of my brain that said “Ack! Cut it off!!”

So I read and read and read. I read the recommendations of official-sounding pediatric associations. I read personal essays by adults who had the surgery comparing the before and after. I read woeful tales of parents who decided against it, only to have to watch their 4-year-old have it done for medical reasons, at an age that is most definitely confusing and traumatic.

And I saw some of the least erotic penis pictures ever. Ever.

My list of bookmarks grew but I still couldn’t find the Right Answer. Anxiety over it started keeping me up at night. A few days ago Kevin and I started talking about it and I was embarrassed to find myself in tears. It’s startling how protective I feel of this baby I haven’t even seen yet. I really want to do this but it’s completely against every instinct I have to keep him as warm and cozy and safe and comfortable as possible.

What it comes down to is …
A) We both want to do it.
B) I feel guilty about that because our reasons aren’t logical.
C) My doctor doesn’t routinely use anesthetic
D) I can’t shake the vision of the surgery taking place and my baby screaming in pain.
E) If this doctor won’t use some type of anesthetic, I’ll find one who will.

So there you have it, the first major parenting dilemma, safely navigated. I’m at peace with this decision, and now I can sleep again. That is, except for having to get up and pee every 2 hours, but I’m pretty sure that’s unrelated.

I didn’t sleep well last night. I did have some entertaining dreams though. Here’s an example:

I’m watching Jeopardy.
This one contestant says “I’ll take asshole doctors for 500″
For the question, they play a tape of a woman listing her symptoms in a whiny, raspy voice. She says something like “Well, my head hurts and my skin feels dry and my throat is all dry and I’m really thirsty.”

The contestant answers “What is ‘Drink some water’?”

And Alex says “No, I’m sorry. The correct answer was Drink some water, you stupid whore.”

I woke up feeling very dehydrated.

OK, I’m just too excited about the way the Christmas gifts are turning out so please indulge me in some private bragging. I’ve locked this entry so my family can’t see the weird crap they’re getting this year. It’s all fantastically low budget but very time consuming. I’m having so much fun!

So check out the weird crap my family’s getting this year…
I used CafePress for a lot of this stuff. Highly recommended. My only complaint is that the shirts seem huge, but maybe they will shrink.

My mom
For my mom, a t-shirt featuring her first grandchild’s sonogram image with moons and stars (which she loves)

Click to see the image close up
She’s also getting a hard-to-find Madonna VHS that I got used on Amazon.com for only $4. What a bargain.

My dad
My dad leaves messages for Mouse, so I think he’ll appreciate his Mouse lunch box.

The front says Naw yew dun’t be hunree! Yew kin carry gud fud 4 yew 2 eet en yor cool lunsh baxx and the back says Mouse says… Dun’t wast yor fud – Ef yew dun’t want to eet samptheeng, fand a dagg an gif him yor fud. Et’s the rat thang 2 do!!
He’s also getting a handmade ivory guitar pick, courtesy of my dear husband, Sparky the big gay dog.

Tony
A set of bath stuff (shampoo, bubble bath, etc) designed by Mouse. Here are the labels:
The labels all say “Naw yew dun’t stank!” and then give a little description of what the bottle contains.He may also get an ivory guitar pick.

Jamie
When we were kids, my dad was working nights and watching us after school. Clever man that he is, he convinced us that Smarties candies are delicious in powder form. This kept us busy for hours while he slept. I got 6 huge bags of Smarties. We’re going to smash them into a fine powder and present them in a large jar.

He’s also getting an awesome He-Man tshirt I found in the kid’s section at Target. It’s Cheeto orange and it says “I HAVE THE POWER”. So it’s one of those self-esteem boosting gifts.

My grandmother
I’m working on a painting of her on her land in New Mexico. She’s in love with that piece of land and just the idea of owning lanc, but it will be several years before she can move out there. It’s only about halfway done, but this will give you the basic idea.
Since she’s temporarily living in a hotel, I’m also making her a mini book about her based on Eloise.

Looie
Looie’s getting a set of beautiful handmade guitar picks. We’re thinking one will be ivory, and one will be blue steel with gold inlay.

Mom Ard
A Pico shirt featuring a Hank Williams song.
Click to see the image close up
I think she’s also getting some pretty bottles of bubble bath and so forth, but I still need to make the labels for those.

Dad Ard
A t-shirt featuring his newest fishing buddy.

Click to see the image close up

At this point in the pregnancy I should be gaining about a pound per week. I just got back from the doctor where I learned that I gained 11 pounds in the last month. 11 pounds. Holy crap, that’s almost three times what I should have gained.

Since all the weight seems to be tummy and since my mom had freakishly large babies, they’re going to do a sonogram to try and figure out how much of that extra weight is baby, and how much is just turkey and dressing.

So the bad news is I may be on the path to delivering a giant baby (not that delivering a normal sized baby sounded pain-free) and now Dylan will start saying things like “your belly’s so big that it arrives on time even though you’re twenty minutes late”.

But the good news is that I get a bonus sonogram, complete with video tape and printed out pictures. Hurray for HMO-covered sound waves!