I found a job posting for a company that I’ve wanted to work for since 1998. Before we left Texas I wasn’t qualified or good enough at what I do to even land an interview, so ah well. Well we’re back in Dallas now and I sometimes search through Monster just because – well mainly boredom I guess – and there it is, the perfect job, and I realize: Holy crap, now I’m completely qualified for that position.

I thought about sending them my resume. I imagined myself in the interview. I imagined myself working on a team again, solving problems on whiteboards and going to lunch with my team members and laughing at all the stupid people in sales or marketing. I imagined what a relief it might be to suddenly have a steady, possibly excellent income.

Then I remembered about getting ready – drying my hair, finding panty hose and putting on makeup. And driving an hour each way. And being gone all day, and coming home after a long, exhausting day to Nicolaus. Nicolaus who is the whole point of everything now. Nicolaus who brings me books and climbs in my lap so we can read about ladybugs.

</career ambition>

Tonight we went to see my uncle play in the band for a John Denver tribute concert. The star of the show was the noncriminally insane Roy Rivers. It’s important to note that although this guy looks like John Denver, sings exactly like John Denver and was wearing a shirt that used to belong to John Denver, he is not a John Denver impersonator. My uncle was very clear on this point.

The show was surprisingly kick-ass. My uncle played mandolin, banjo, and electric fiddle (violin, for you snooty-patooties). Nicolaus *loved* it. The crowd, the lights, the music, the clapping, all of it. Oooooooo! He sang along throughout the concert, although he exercised a lot of creative license while doing so. For example, rather than using the customary lyrics to “Sunshine on my Shoulders”, Nicolaus chose to mostly sing his word for Mouse which sounds like “Mauwww”. For the chorus he quacked like a duck and waved his stuffed monkey in the air.

After about the third song, people started staring at us. I smiled back apologetically. Hey, the John Denver guy said he wanted everyone to sing along. He did not specify that we had to sing in English.

Those people you hate because all they ever put in their journals is stuff about their stupid babies.

This morning we woke up earlier than usual and I’ll be goll-durned if the ground wasn’t covered in snow. And it was still snowing hard. Respectable snow in Texas is pretty rare. We rushed to pile on our thickest clothes so we could play in it before it started melting.

Nicolaus wasn’t entirely sure what to think. He stood in one place and squinted down at the white stuff.
“Oooo” he said, “Oooooo!”

My friend Christina is one of those rare people that exists outside of my computer. Before you get confused, try to imagine like a regular person, only instead of reading everything they say you hear it. And okay, this is hard to explain but look in the mirror at yourself… see how you have a physical 3-dimensional body? That’s how this is only instead of looking like you, she looks like someone else. Someone who could have a baby at any second. Possibly here at my house, tonight. Heeheehee… I can’t wait. I’m such a nerd.

The other night we went over to their house and she has the nursery all ready for their tiny human. It’s so peaceful and happy, and everything in it is so tiny. Tiny socks, tiny diapers, tiny soft little baby clothes. Oh man. To quote Friends, I think my uterus skipped a beat.

Heeheehee!

One year ago I was standing at a beige formica counter asking the useless woman on the other side if she had any rough idea of when they would have a room ready for me. We had been waiting a long time. I remember feeling self-conscious because my back was to all the other people in the waiting area, and they were all definitely laughing at me because my pants were wet. It was just like that one time in first grade.

Then some other weird stuff happened, and awhile later Nicolaus was born.

The same Nicolaus who is right at this minute finding the tiny lady bug stickers we hid all over his room and exclaiming “Oh wow. Ooo-wee. Ooooh WOW!”