I hoped it wouldn’t, but it did.
“Mama, did you eat a baby?”
“No! I didn’t eat a baby. The baby’s just growing in my tummy.” Please don’t ask, please don’t ask, please don’t–
“How –” Crap. He’s totally going to ask.“How did that baby get in your stomach?”
I drew a deep breath and told him, matter of factly, that when babies first start out they are teeeeeny tiny tiny. The daddy puts the baby in the mama’s tummy, and then it starts growing. It gets bigger and bigger, and now there’s a big baby in there.
There was an awkard pause. Shit, shit, shit, he’s going to ask how Daddy put the baby in there, and then I’ll have to die.
“Well…” Lately he starts sentences with this big ol’ Texas “Way-ell…” that means he’s thinking of what to say next. “Wayell… I just want to know…”
Oh noooo, no no. Kill me now.
“Wayell I just want to know why you can’t drink any caffeine. When the baby’s in there.”
Oh! Of course! I can’t drink caffeine because it’s not good for babies, just like it’s bad for little boys, and the baby eats a little bit of everything I eat… So I can’t drink any caffeine until the baby comes out. And that’s why I can’t drink caffeine, and also why I love you Nicolaus for not asking me to explain to you about the intercourse.