electric boogaloo

He took one bite of his lunch, and let out a howl. “Owwwwww! This pizza is all like: YAY! We’re going to totally burn this boy’s throat.”

“Nicolaus…”

“And then? Graham was all, HAHA big brother, you ate something spicy and you don’t like spicy food.”

“Dude.”

“And now Mouse is saying hooray I’m going to beg and beg because all of Nicolaus’ food is really MY FOOD and as soon as he moves, I’m going to STEAL IT ALL.”

“I thought you didn’t like your food.”

“I don’t. It’s way too spicy.”

“Then why do you care if Mouse eats it?”

“Because. He’s — he’s just over there doing that thing he does.”

“What thing?”

“That thing with his eyes like this. Where he sits over there and watches us and if we drop anything he runs over and grabs it! And he’s all like -”

“Please stop telling me what everyone is all like…”

“Owww! Did you see that! My chair was all HAHA little boy, I’m going to dump you over and make you fall and hurt your leg.”

“I did see that! And the floor was all Yay, let’s be really hard so it hurts Nicolaus a lot when he falls. And gravity was all I’ll help! And your bones were all Oooh Cool this is going to be hilarious. And your skin was all Nooooo!”

“Why was my skin all like that?”

“Because it knew it was going to get hurt if you fell out of your chair. And your pizza was all! Waaaah! Nicolaus doesn’t like me! I’m so lonely and sad and no one will ever eat me. And Nicolaus was all HAHA you be sad pizza. Too bad for you, I don’t care if you cry.”

“No, no — I wasn’t all like that.”

“Yes you were. HAHA baby pizza! Go ahead and cry and cry!”

“No! I wasn’t. I wasn’t mean.”

“Oh. You weren’t?”

“No. Why do you keep telling me I’m all like things that I’m not?”

“I dunno.” I shrugged, “Are you going to eat the rest of your lunch?”

“Not right now. I’m going to save it for later.”

“Okay.”

He gathered his plastic plate and shuffled into the kitchen.
“OoooooooohhhhhAAArrrrrrrGH!! The fridge door was all like, YOU CAN’T OPEN ME. Too bad little boy, you are only like two years old or something and NOT three and a half. You’re not a bigger kid and you can never ever open me! NEVER Ev-”

“Um. Do you need some help in there?”

“Nah, I’m okay. I got it open.”