electric boogaloo

For roughly twelve hours, no one was sick. It was amazing, just like you always imagine it will be, exactly like in all the technicolor movies about families in America where no one is ever sick except maybe sinners and what do they expect? Damned sinners.

Everyone was feeling so wonderful that I decided to put actual clothes on my children (pajamas aren’t actual clothes, no matter what Kevin tells you) and take them to Old Navy where I hear that they are handing out free samples of crack cocaine or something. I keep running into women who are jittery and very VERY excited - thought it’s hard to understand them with the foam and the drool and all. Yesterday my neighbor drove up and brandished a large Old Navy bag at me and made wild, maniacal gestures that indicated that I should totally get my ass over to Old Navy right now because whatever is going on over there is awesome.

I normally avoid places like Old Navy. Graham is at the age of running off and disappearing behind clothing racks and kitschy old cars. Nicolaus is at an age where he loves being at Old Navy until all of a sudden he fucking HATES being at Old Navy. If you don’t instantly snap him home, he tries to fold the universe in on itself by being that naughty. And me, I’m at the age where I have debt that needs to be paid off before I spend any money buying cute t-shirts at Old Navy. Even though really. How can I afford NOT to buy things this cool?

But Nicolaus has been wanting a pair of overalls because he needs pockets for all of his science equipment, and I could use some free cocaine, so Old Navy seemed like a nice little outing.

We got as far as shoes on all the feet when my stomach started hurting. BAD.

Like, super bad.

Then I got all achy and suddenly felt like my batteries had been drained.

And so it became movie night, and when Kevin came home from work he found us all asleep on our bed with Spirit playing in the little portable DVD player.

And now it’s my birthday. Kevin brought home cheerful yellow flowers last night, and all morning Nicolaus has been wrapping up assorted objects from around the house to give to me. So far I have received a partially eaten candy necklace, a bottle of hair gel, a packet of sunflower seeds, the same pot of silk flowers he gave me when Graham was born, and a lot of little metal cars.

Ooooh and! He drew a picture of all of us. This is a big deal because for the last two years, Nicolaus has flat refused to draw people. He’ll draw horses and birds and sharks and sea anemones and machines with big gears turning each other, but ever since I made the mistake of oooohing over his drawing of a man - zero people. Stubborn punk. When he asked me last night what I wanted for my birthday I told him I would love a drawing from him of his family. At first he said, “I can’t…” but then right before bed last night he produced this drawing. I love it.

From left to right:

• Nicolaus — the squiggle under his hair is supposed to be his brain. And he laughed after he was done and said “Man alive, I look like a GHOST.”
• Mouse with a long tail — the ball at the end of the tail is supposed to be the tuft of white hair that Mouse has at the end. It’s not really puffy though - just a different color.
• Graham — also with brain and part of his skull depicted.
• Me — the odd shape of my head was allegedly intended to make me look beautiful. I have big glasses and long hair. He added the funky blob of shorter hair after I later mentioned that I’m getting a haircut soon.
• Kevin — What can I say? This one is basically accurate. The lines coming down from his mouth are meant to indicate that daddy is frowning. Why is he frowning? Because of what Graham did.

The fishing rod-looking thing is supposed to be a ladder. The scribbles and dots next to me are all my birthday presents.

So yeah. I’m feeling a little better this morning, my guys are sweet and really there have been worse birthdays. Still sick, but that’s what I get for sinning so much.