I’m packing, honest to God I’m packing. See this cut on my finger? From the edge of the tape thingy? I’m packing! But before Graham wakes up from his nap, there are two things you HAVE to know.
1. Yesterday, Mouse snapped at Graham. It startled him and left a very small red mark on his wrist. This dog has never ever done that before. I know he’s stressed about all the packing and so on — he hates moving — but still. I was stunned. It was pretty unprovoked, and this is so not an aggressive dog. I know, I know, I never believe people when they say their dog isn’t aggressive either but seriously. He surrendered the entire backyard to a 1-pound kitten. Once in Atlanta he was afraid to go out to pee because there was a baby bird in the bushes. I’ve seen him hurt himself trying to escape from a big scary leaf. He’s not a nervous biter type of dog either. He’s more of a oh god run for your life! and if you can’t flee, just stand there and shake and wish you were dead type of dog.
So yeah. Good call, internet. The dog luxury retirement lady is coming tomorrow night. But ohhhh man I am going to miss my Mouse. What is wrong with me? I’ve never been this attached to a pet. But he’s so stressed here, and if he’s going to be snappy in his old age… no. The kids are too little and just… no. It puts him in a position to be in trouble all the time. WHY AM I STILL JUSTIFYING THIS TO YOU, INTERNET? You already told me to give him to the nice lady. Jesus. I’m really going to miss his very non-neurotypical, epileptic, goofy, pointy little ass is all.
I haven’t had a drink in like three? years. But this might do it.
2. Fourteen people died and scores were hospitalized yesterday at the Dallas Love Field Airport after my parents unleashed an attack of horrifying cuteness on the general public: Nicolaus took his first airplane ride. Oh whatever, Tiffany, kids fly all the time. But! I sent him with his pilot uniform, complete with hat, shirt, and a badge ID with his photo and the words: NICOLAUS ARD. NATURALIST/ SCOUT/ CAPTAIN OF THE AIRLINES
And! More! My dad is a pilot. He’s also a violin maker/fixer/musician/artist/woodworker/tool and die maker/part time theoretical physicist/scout, but that’s not important right now. He’s an airline pilot. So he dressed in his uniform too so they would match. From the way my mom described it, the two of them walking side by side in their uniforms through the airport generated a swirling vortex of cute that shut down the terminal for much of the morning. The homeland security women all went wild over Nicolaus, and once on the plane he was treated like an absolute celebrity. They announced his full name over the loud speaker and he stood up and the whole plane clapped.
I really think we could solve a lot of the world’s social problems with some sort of program that took kids out of ghettos, dressed them up like an airline captain, and had people salute them and clap for them. I mean, you’d put limits on it. You wouldn’t want people like abusing the Children’s Airline Captain Impersonation System when they should at some point learn how to stop being poor and work hard and save the money to buy the little hat and the plane ticket and all, but I’m just saying that this is an experience that too many children will tragically never enjoy.
Nicolaus enjoyed the ever-loving shit out of it.
My parents said that when the flight landed they could not get him off of the plane. He insisted on standing there with the crew so he could say goodbye to all of the passengers and thank them for coming on his flight.
My god. Did you just die from how cute that is? Oh yeah? Well what about… THIS!
Oh. My. God. That is so cute! It might even be cuter than my kid in an astronaut suit.
Yup, dying from the cute over here! What a wonderful story and an adorable picture.
Yes, you definitely made the right decision with Mouse. I’m sure it’s just his nerves because he sees you packing. But you’d never be sure again. This’ll be good for everyone.
I was about to scream, “WHAT NO PICTURES?” but you didn’t fail me.
Thanks.
Holy frig. Cutest ever.
Aaaaaakkk! Tiffany! I barely survived the cuteness when you told me over the phone, but to see a picture too…I… may not live ….the next 5 minutes…dying of cuteness over…load….
I died! Too cute! Aaaaaaaaaaaa..aa..aaa….aaaaa… *croak*
Shit. I killed the dogtopia lady!
ohmygod…I thought that you weren’t going to post any pictures…and I HAD to see the cuteness….I think that I may have swooned a bit from the adorableness…seriously, I bet your parents were just eating it up weren’t they?
I love the way you told that story. I even came close to crying a little at the clapping part.
So amazingly awesome!
Beyond awesome. :-)
It goes without saying that you are going to miss that pointy little dog like crazy! (Isn’t that, like, a gigantic part of why the decision was so damn hard ?!) You are all going to miss him. (Not sure how much he will miss YOU, but.. ;-) Try to take comfort in the fact that Mouse is going someplace totally awesome & ToadyJoe seems more than happy to keep you upditted !! Hopefully, it will get a bit easier after some time…In the interim, may I suggest vast quantities of margaritas, bourbon or scotch?
oh my gosh, that image of N and your dad with matching uniforms…..
N is so cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You’ll feel better once Mouse is with his new family…then you can start to move on. I know it’s hard. It’s okay to have a drink.
That? Is AWESOME.
Question: Where did N get a pilot’s uniform? TOO cool.
OMG!! That is the coolest thing I have ever heard. Ean would go nuts if we took him on a plane! N is soooo very lucky.
Dude, first of all, of *course* you will miss Mouse! That’s ok. You’re totally allowed to be both glad and sobbing at the same time. Life is like that.
Second, OMG Teh Cuteness!! :) Seriously, that story is… omg. *this is the sound of the internet fainting*
Too much cute! I love your blog, and I can’t wait for Ivo to be old enough to fly without grabbing his fellow passengers faces! That’s not so cute…
By stages it went like this:
1) “but i thought we would have a nice breakfast Baba, toast or something?” No, there isn’t time now, we’ll do what pilots call “grab something at the airport”, it’s what pilots do. …..”Ok, but i’m really hungry. It is important to understand that this is a kid that Does Not Eat. Like an Orchid or something he absorbs nutrients from an unknown source.
2) Airport Shut-Down. Starting with key management types, Chief Pilot etc. The picture of the third (maybe fourth ) generation pilot ( depending on how you keep track ) strutting his right stuff through the facility was more than the post 911 system was prepared to handle without advance notice. “Baba, … why does the pilot have to take his shoes off for the security morons?” It’s what the morons need, they need to see that we can take our shoes off and put them on right away. It helps them keep the nation safe for freedom. And thank NASA for velcro! They, were slain. All of them. the A type business traveller, the hardened business commuter, the other four year old travelers, all were stricken dumb with our amazing excellence. It was what I would imagine walking with Jim Morrison through a group of people that would recognize Jim Morrison would be like.
3) Breakfast. The very best available. McDonalds pancakes W/sausage, the sausage squeezed free of excess grease, torn in half and wrapped in the pancake. Thus edible, not messy and easy to handle while waiting for a plane. He ate more in five minutes than I have seen him eat all together in four years.
4) Boarding: good morning Captain, good morning Captain, good morning Captain, Captain, Captain, Captain. Can it be ok if I can look at your airplane? Almost exactly as briefed he asked for cockpit access. The entire jet-bridge area was blocked while the celebrity Captain had a quick cockpit tour and was escorted to mid-cabin. The flight attendants each had to great him, of course, which took an additional five minutes. General boarding was delayed.
5) “Whats those guys doing down there with that truck and stuff”. A detailed explanation of the entire baggage loading and fueling processes was provided. “No, I mean the other one” I don’t know little dude. Maybe he is just waiting for something to do. “Why can’t we just keep our shoes on at the EX ER RAYY place”? It’s because of George Bush… “Oh”
6) Why are we going backwards? It’s just what we have to do so we have room to turn around. “What’s this button for?” It is so you can recline the seat after we take off. Why can’t we puch the button now?” Because if there was an emergency we might have to get out of the airplane really fast and we need all the room between the seats to get out quick. “But ..there’s more room if I push the button..” Look, you can see the control tower. “Yes, ….I can see it.”
7) The takeoff. Ding. The bell means one minute ’till we takeoff. “What bell?” The ding we just heard. “I didn’t hear it.” Well, I did and we are about to take-off. Worried. “Are we going to take off now?” The engines spooled up to about 86 percent as we rolled into position on the runway centerline and accelerated to rotation speed. as the nose rotated to 13 degrees of pitch captain N squeeled ” Hooooooo euoooooo”
8) Clime, Cruise, Descent. Constant jabbering, question answering, question asking mountain spotting, cloud seeing and noise questioning.
9) Landing. Standard callouts were provided in accordance with operating porcedures punctuated with whoops, yells and hoo-ahhs as ground reference objects were recognized. CARRS.HOUSES. MORE CARRRRS.
10)Post Flight. The crew were involved in an unscheduled airplane re-route but still took time to show new captain N about the cockpit of the Next Generation Boeing 737-700. Our ramp agents took time to provide a security escort so the youngest “Captain of the Airlines” could make a walk-around inspection of the airplane. This was a little scary since everything down there is bigger than he is, and it is a noisy place but the experience was easily worth it. Not many four year old pilots get to see the under workings of a giant jet.
Thus began a three day tour of El Paso, South Central New Mexico, White Sands missle range and other points of interest including Uncle Bills King Air, the Dorito ranch, La Posta for lunch (twice) and two seperate WOOzle hunts. His appetite and courage are greatly increased. No woozles were captured or harmed during this adventure.
IT’S PRICELESS PERFECT!!!!!
I have been reading your blog a long time but don’t think I’ve commented before. Well, this did it! GREAT storytelling as always, and the coup de grace — Dadio’s recap. Nicolaus is one amazing, hysterically funny kid, and apparently he can trace these features right up the family tree. Lucky kid. Lucky internets that we get to read all about it.
Love the blog.