“This is just weird! I swear we had spoons…”
“What?”
“Where are all our spoons?”
“Dirty?”
“No. Look: There’s none in the sink, three in the dishwasher, none in the drawer.”
“Weird. Didn’t we just have a ton of those plastic ones too?”
“Yeah. This is driving me crazy. Where are our dang spoons??”
I can’t deal with thinking about this. My head is full of snot and my brain is too full to try and solve any sort of mystery. I decide to shrug and let the universe steal my spoons, if it wishes to. Kevin on the other hand continues to wonder. He is also missing some shirts and in general has a lot more mental energy for troubleshooting than I do.
Time passes. Other things happen. Noon comes, and then some time after it I hear the garbage can open.
And I hear Kevin say, “Graham, what are you doing?”
“I puttin this in HERE DADDY.”
“No. That spoon doesn’t go in there.”
“Yes it DOES DADDY. This is a giant robot, Daddy. He’s eatin a thing.”
“No. Please don’t put spoons in the trash. Put them in the sink.”
Graham shrugged like whatever, crazy man, and wandered off to do something else.
And now, with my head full of pressure and snot and love for my children even though they throw my things away and sneeze into my mouth, I need to go to Target to buy some more spoons.
Ah yes, I seem to lose alot of stuff to the rubbish bin. So much so that my bin sits outside now.
A robot, huh? You can’t stifle creativity, you know.
God bless that kid. Any reason to go to Target is a good thing!
Wow. I would never have thought to child proof the trash. And why only spoons? Does the giant robot not like forks or knives? Or maybe a toddler does not get to play with those. I have so much to learn.
Hey he gave you an excuse to go to Target, huzzah!
Question though – can you not just take out the spoons and wash them off? Or is there something REEEEALLLY funky in your trash? Or maybe the trash bin’s really deep and you fear an accident if you go spoon diving? Or maybe it IS a robot and he really did eat them?
But then, Target! Yay!
Well there was only one in the trash, so apparently this has been happening for a week or so. Otherwise I would’ve just washed them. Yeah, and I don’t know why just spoons. Maybe we just had enough forks and knives that we haven’t noticed them missing yet?
You know it sort of makes sense. During both pregnancies, I accidentally threw away I don’t even know how much silverware. Maybe THEY were programming me to feed the robot from within my uterus!
All of my spoons are in my 17-year-old daughter’s room. Do you want to go look for them? I didn’t think so.
My (just turned) two year old, Kate, also only removes the spoons, and completely leaves the forks and butter knives alone. Luckily, so far, I’ve found all of them in the broiler drawer… though yesterday, I did find one of my shoes in the garbage. Maybe she’s trying to tell me something.