electric boogaloo

Graham has become really rude in the last few days. In all fairness to Disney movies, lots of kids manage to watch them without picking up the rudest possible phrases. It’s only MY two year old that called his brother an empty-headed female. Which made no sense, and we told him so, and he hasn’t said it since. But he quickly adapted the form of insult: [YOU + (rude adjective) + (non-rude noun said in an insulting tone)]. His favorite is “You wappy old NICOLISS.” or “You are a blabby-blobber!” or “Your bird is a YUCKYWOBBA.”

Nonsense for now, but I assume that like so many of his ancestors before him on my side of the family, Graham is running through all of the possible English syllable permutations looking for the word asshole. But even in its present nonsensical form, it produces spectacular results. Nicolaus, never to miss an opportunity to be hurt or offended, falls apart in the face of these completely unfair accusations. Depending on his mood, his response ranges from indignant to rudeness to simple quiet sobs.

Which, don’t feel too sorry for him. This week he has been tattling like crazy and in general has been so needlessly rude to Graham that when the little guy retaliates I feel like saying well? That’s what happens when you act like a wappyblobber.

In less gripey news, one of his school assignments last week was to study how donuts are made at Krispy Kreme. He came home and drew a huge diagram of the process while I ate leftover donuts. I think I’m going to really love homeschooling. Oh and! This week Nicolaus has decided to be a person from ancient India because he found a page in a history book that showed how incredibly fancy everything from India is. The weapons especially delighted him, and we’ve spent an embarrassing amount of time making replicas of fierce-looking weapons out of cardboard, yellow paper, and tinfoil. I drew the line at inlaying gold. We just don’t have the setup to really do it properly. He concluded that real India people (he won’t call them Indians, too confusing) must not have had a lot of enemies trying to get them right away because otherwise how would they have time to do all of that? See, we saw pictures of weapons from the dark ages once and they all kind of suck because, the text claims, there wasn’t time to make them very fancy before someone came along and killed you and took your sword away.

Anyway, if you’ve seen us around town (at Krispy Kreme doing research, most likely) and you were wondering why my son has Cost Plus World Market cotton kitchen towels pinned together around himself like a sari, well now you know.

Meanwhile Graham requested and got a major haircut, my parents are being so nice to me that it’s starting to weird me out a little, and my brother is going to have BABIES!! No. Not my brother. But you know what I mean.