electric boogaloo

You are so jealous of me. Because I have twin nephews. Who are TWINS. Both of them. I mean each of them. Whatever. Two!

This morning we drove my mom to the airport so she could go and meet them and give unto them a very important letter that was dictated to me by their eldest cousin. In the letter, Nicolaus welcomed them to the world, introduced himself, and then gave them instructions on the real way to whistle. That’s their first installment. He also has a whole tape of information that is almost ready to send to the babies which includes the history of the world, the cautionary story of twin brothers Romulus and Remus, and general advice and information about life on planet earth. It would make a great basis for a religion, actually, so if you know anyone who needs a manifesto for theirs send me an email. The two main commandments are:
1. Never try to kill each other and
2. Never try to take over the world. Because “that’s not really considered a good thing to do.”

Which are good ones.

My brain has been too full this week. Big projects, big lists of things to do, suburbanite money worries, selling our house in Texas and all of the fun that goes with inspections and everything, running down endless computer-upgrade rabbit holes, and this sort of general background sense that at 40 weeks maybe it is now time that my sister in law should quit being such a selfish whore and HAVE THOSE DANG BABIES ALREADY.

My mom was in town for much of the week, which would normally be a wonderful distraction but she was busy deciding whether her energy was better spent shopping for exactly the right kind of baby socks that babies can’t easily kick off because even in summer heat babies must have socks OR reading wikipedia articles about how to perform a c-section in case she ended up needing to personally fly up to New York, kill the OB, sedate my brother and his wife and deliver the babies herself since no one else seemed to understand the urgency here.

So she did a bit of both, and sometimes cried because if she had only gone to medical school instead of chasing George Harrison around none of this would even be an issue. I, meanwhile, focused on being stressed about everything else.

My children, sensing the tension, did their best to add excitement by acting like labrador puppies. Which a lot of people find cute but you will notice that I don’t have any labrador puppies. This is a deliberate choice on my part. If someone knocked on my door right now and offered to give me an armful of labrador puppies I would say no, and maybe even call the police. Partly because it’s 1 in the morning and my god! But also because — well, no offense if you love labrador puppies.

Anyway. That wrestling, wallowing/ rolling/ squealing thing that the boys do always makes me nervous because hey guys! Is that playing or is it fighting? Oh, okay it’s just playing. I should chill out, it’s just playing. Oh hell, now it’s fighting. And now they’re yelling at each other and one is crying and oh my god. Oh wait. Now they’re laughing. This game sucks.

So: stressfull week in which my mom and I spent too much money, ate too much junk, burned too much gas, and — no wonder my kids were totally nuts by Wednesday — just drove around running mission-critical errands and going places to help distract my mom from seriously ending up on the news over OMFG why are there still no babies?? We had a very close call when that Jolie lady had the nerve to have her twins way before hers were even due. Holy shit. Thank God for $3 margarita hour is all I can say.

But none of that matters now because you know why? Well 1. The week is almost over and 2. My art supplies arrived in the mail today and most of all 3. Babies!!!!!!!

I told you you were jealous.