June 11th, 2009
Someone should invent an option to set your browser to ONLY load images. No words. This post would be way better that way.
I’m sitting in an old chair, which I swear used to be more comfortable than this. I’m sitting here watching the dog walk around the living room and mess with different stuff that’s on the floor. Each time he picks something up he looks at me like yes? And most of the time I say “AAAA.” which means No that’s not yours even though it looks like a dog toy and is on the floor it belongs to one of those noisy horrible other guys who live here. But some things he picks up – a piece of string, a wood chip, his own teeny tiny tennis ball – are fine and oh that makes him very happy. He runs around, buries it under the futon then drags it back over to me so I can throw it a few times before he abandons it and grabs something else.
Last night I taught him down. It took fifteen seconds, which made me realize maybe I’m not working hard enough to train this dog. Can you imagine how much he could have learned by now if I’d spent an hour a day? He’d know more than twenty thousand tricks by now.
This is nothing of what I was going to write about. My brain is so hammered down these days, I am so beaten up and flattened by the end of the day that I can’t even think. There are problems, boring business-related problems, that are giving me this awful case of the upset crazybrain. Add to that frustration over the gluten-free diet which mostly works except about once a week when my body spends a day rejecting everything that I have ever eaten. When that happens I want to give up and eat whatever and just feel like whatever because it’s not working and this sucks.
And while business stuff is making my dreams so stressful that I wake up exhausted and my stomach has me tied in a knot, in the background there are all of these wonderful circus acts going on around me. They keep me from losing my mind, even though oh my god their acts are loud and exhausting and are punctuated with spilled drinks and shouts for help.
So at some point every day I decide grrrrrrrrscrew it! Like Tony the Tiger but less great and more screw it. We have to leave this house. So I put clothes on Graham and we all go pee and gather up the dog and everything and we go. As soon as we leave, someone is thirsty but that’s too bad! we can’t turn back now! We’re almost to the car, the apartment’s escape velocity is too high. GO, just go! Does the space shuttle ever go back for shit they forgot?
So that’s why my car has all the Wendy’s cups in it.
Woah, we are way off in the weeds here. This is supposed to be a photo post. See what stress is doing to my posting abilities?
Pictures! With my new phone I’ve been grabbing snapshots of our days.
Like this dorky little puppy:
And my kids on the new playground, which the boys call “Dangerous Park” because it features so many cool ways for a young child to help us reach our annual deductible.
Almost every week we go to a bluegrass jam. The boys can’t play a dang thing, but they sure love to saw away in there with the rest of the band.
And sometimes Kevin and Graham wash the car while the rest of us sit inside and watch:
Roux supervises closely:
My children dress themselves. Bonus points will be awarded if you know who Nicolaus is dressed as:
And monstrous bonus points awarded if you can tell me who Graham is dressed as:
because honest to god, I have no idea. Backwards shoe man? You can’t tell in the picture, but his backpack was upside down as well. It has his name on it so it says something like WVHV\d-). I know there’s a way to flip text upside down but it’s 3 in the morning and google is probably closed, and even if not I don’t want to bother them. You get the idea. Name upside down.
And dangling from the backpack are about a dozen happy boys. They are tiny plastic keychains made to look like miniature children. Graham collects them.
What’s that? You want MORE pictures? And for me to shut up with the tired-lady commentary? Alright, since you said you want more…
Here are Nicolaus and Lovey pretending to be hummingbirds.
And here are some nice trees at the park.
So there! My life is filled with many peaceful and awesome moments that don’t make me feel like a repousse’ piece gone wrong.
But mostly, my days are made up of this:
and this:
“Hurry up, Roux. Hurry up. HURRY UP. Hurry up. For the love of — really? You have to check every square inch before you can pick a spot to pee on? Dude, you already checked there. YES, you did. You’re worse than my mother choosing curtains.”
And that my friends, is the true meaning of Christmas.
June 11th, 2009 at 2:42 am
Hee, drama lip!
June 11th, 2009 at 5:22 am
I hope your business worries go away and you are just happily making a lot of money soon. The pictures are sooo wonderful. The boys are growing so fast. I remember the pictures of Nicolaus playing the violin. Those old pictures aren’t out there anywhere are they?
And I love your nail polish!
June 11th, 2009 at 7:50 am
I was all Oh Poor Tiffany until I got to the very last line and then I was like Oh forget the sympathy when she’s that freakin’ funny she doesn’t NEED my pity.
Thinking of you. And plotting your demise, because, lordy, are you hilarious, more so than I am, and THIS TRULY CANNOT STAND.
June 11th, 2009 at 9:17 am
I vote Jesus and Scuba Steve for the outfits and the hummingbird picture is ADORABLE!
June 11th, 2009 at 9:19 am
Don’t know if this will perk you up or not, but just wanna say: your posts are the highlight of my day! Love ‘em.
June 11th, 2009 at 9:50 am
I think maybe Graham is Jacques Cousteau. The backpack would be one of the scuba prototypes and the shoes are that way because they aren’t shoes, they’re swim fins. I only recognize them because Zoe is currently a mermaid. Only she’s sitting at the top of the stairs with her fishing pole trying to catch fish. Why she doesn’t just swim down here and grab one is beyond me. She alternates this with bringing the pole to me and having me cast and be shocked when I reel in a mermaid. :o Did you know Jacque was also a spy?
I hope things start going better for you. Hopefully it’ll happen soon.
June 11th, 2009 at 10:12 am
I’m going to go with Perseus. Saw the owl and thought Potter til I noticed the cool headband.
June 11th, 2009 at 10:20 am
I think he’s Jason from Jason and the Argonauts? Or maybe Mercury? Something very Greek, right down to his strappy sandals.
June 11th, 2009 at 10:33 am
Jason is close! Remember though that in a little kid’s mind, pretending to be a female character is no weirder than being a male character.
June 11th, 2009 at 11:04 am
Since you said that thing about male/female, he’s almost certainly being Athena. But without that and help from Teki and Ashley, I would have gone with Merlin or something similar.
June 11th, 2009 at 11:20 am
Athena!
June 11th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
Hah! I was right! I initially thought some Roman guy, until I saw the owl. Then I was all ‘Athena! Athena has owls!’ I don’t associate owls with any of those other mythological
guys people guessed. So what if she’s female? SOOOO?
/gloat
June 11th, 2009 at 12:51 pm
Here is a recipe for brownies that is gluten free:
http://diabeticbaking.blogspot.com/2009/01/black-bean-brownies.html
You’ve said previously that you’re not much of a cook/baker but it’s chocolate that won’t kill you (hopefully)! So many you can cajole someone into making them for you?
It sounds like you need an intern. If you were in/near Chicago I could hook you up with a Promising Eager Young Person. Maybe you could take out a craigslist ad? I know some Chi-Town artists who’ve mentored young folks who ran all their business related errands for them and helped keep the business side of things ON TRACK.
June 11th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
Ooooh I loved PEYPs when I was in the corporate world! I’m dealing with vendor suckiness, though which unfortunately means me on the phone griping at people which makes me feel mean and bad. But the idea of an intern is very exciting. Especially if he or she enjoys baking. :-D
Thanks, everyone. And sorry I’m such a whiney-butt. 8 hours of good sleep will cure a lot.
June 11th, 2009 at 5:03 pm
Um. Your kids are adorable. I esp. dig that last photo of Graham with the pout and the Brady shirt! Groovy! But grooviest of all have to be your mettalic aqua toe nails!! I love a groovy shade on the toes.
June 11th, 2009 at 5:47 pm
I love your family. :) And I also want to fix N’s bowing hand position. Can I reach through the screen and do that?
June 11th, 2009 at 10:32 pm
Um. I was going to guess Pocohantas Goliath Fu of Snowy CamOwlotte for Nicolaus, but reading the comments I see I was waaaaaaaay off.
I’ll try Graham: Dora Snorkel Pants?
June 12th, 2009 at 8:53 am
Nicolas suddenly looks so much older! And that picture of Graham at the dangerous playground looks like a kid in the 70s! Whoa, holy mindtrick!
I feel like I need to send you some brownies in the mail. Would you accept baked goods from a stranger as thanks for all your writing? This is a serious offer.
June 12th, 2009 at 4:46 pm
I’m glad the Athena thing was worked out before I got here. That stuff is hard.
Your kids are beautiful as usual!
Thanks for the humor. It’s perfect. :)
June 13th, 2009 at 12:23 am
On the plus side, I really like your toenails!
June 14th, 2009 at 8:16 pm
omg the lip of doom….My monster is 14 months old and had that perfected at 4 days…I’m so screwed…especially if she ends up as cute as yours….