August 20th, 2009
Clash of the organs
I don’t know why Kevin can’t be more supportive of my dream of someday being a floating head in a jar. They have them in lots of movies about the future, and the barriers to bringing this technology to market seem mostly related to FDA hangups and funding. But whenever I say man, I so look forward to the day when I can just be a floating head or a brain in a jar and I start working out the logistics of whether he would have to carry me around — and what would be the best way to do that? A sling of some sort, definitely. Or I can get one of those Segue things like cops in suburbia have and I can ask Brianna, the smart lady who keeps my web sites all running despite my best efforts to mess them up, to rig it so that I can drive the thing by thinking about where I want to go.
Kevin just shakes his head like I’m saying something funny and says, “There is something so wrong with you.”
And I say, “I know there’s something wrong with me. My stomach hurts.”
“Go back to the doctor.”
Then, if the boys are asleep, I say swear words.
So yeah. My stomach is a vile prostitute, and I’m ready to go on the total brown rice diet. I like brown rice a lot but I also like other foods. But you know what else I like? Not being sick.
In addition, this week I am enjoying another rollicking and heartfelt UTI, which stands for “Ur Tinkle Is hurting u”
Bonus! This week is super happy girl time, which I wouldn’t even mention except that it causes cramping and general hating of my midsection.
And I’m getting over a cold.
And so it was that four nonmajor conditions converged within my torso, making me remember why I can’t wait until they can just transfer my thoughts into Kevin’s netbook so that he can carry me around. I won’t have to think about what to eat — as part of his laptop I can just eat whatever crumbs the kids drop into the keyboard. I won’t have to be slowed down by stupid girl problems or stomach problems or pee problems. I’ll have a weird Linux interface and sometimes I will get dropped on the floor but that’s what solid-state hard drives are for, duh.
August 20th, 2009 at 11:05 pm
Oh, And! Because of the antibiotics I hope you’re on for your UTI (yes, I did read the previous post!), you can also look forward to a yeast infection! Yay!
August 20th, 2009 at 11:48 pm
i always get rid of UTI with (organic) cranberry tablets and gallons for herbal teas and water. hope you feel better soon.
August 21st, 2009 at 12:12 am
I should look for the tablets! I don’t like cranberry juice as much as I should.
The killer is that the doctor told me no caffeine for a week. Oh my god. This afternoon I fell asleep on the couch and Nicolaus very gently suggested that I — this is a quote — “try to get on the parenting train”
August 21st, 2009 at 12:39 am
omg: “try to get on the parenting train”! The gems just keep coming!
All I can say is that if someone else’s blog became a bestselling book & movie (”Julie & Julia”), then yours most certainly deserves to be, as well.
August 21st, 2009 at 1:30 am
Yea, I had accidental gluten this week. Nothing like having barely noticeable amounts of a white powder killing you painfully for a few days to really screw up your week.
Mix the cranberry juice with anything that makes it palatable. (Well, maybe not vodka. Hehe.) It *does* help. And keep drinking it even afterwards.
Why hasn’t someone made cranberry yogurt? They would make a gazillion dollars from women with UTIs.
August 21st, 2009 at 7:04 am
I mix the unsweetened cranberry juice with blueberry juice. I also: wash my underpants with baby detergent, with an extra rinse cycle, wear only skirts in the warm months, and avoid Coke products like they contain tiny spores of hatred.
I have been UTI-free for years, but who the hell really knows why? I am going to be so mad when I get one and say, “The regimen LIED.” ;)
PS–I am sure you know about it, but Cystex is probably the best over-the-counter pain reliever I use when my tinkle is hurting me. :snickers:
August 21st, 2009 at 7:43 am
Hope you get over this crap really, really soon. Sorry it makes you feel like being a head in a jar, or software on Kevin’s laptop.
Try getting on the parenting train????? Wow
August 21st, 2009 at 2:52 pm
((((hugs)))) None of those things is any fun… I’ll also swear by the “cranberry capsules plus loads of water” any time I start to feel a UTI coming on.
I hope you heal fast, dude!
August 21st, 2009 at 9:39 pm
My Acupuncturist recommended D-mannose, which is the only thing aside from antibiotics that has ever killed a uti for me. I just did this last week – ugh.
August 22nd, 2009 at 3:26 pm
Ooh, good idea. I’m going to start reading Arduino docs – maybe we can wire your jar for Bluetooth…
September 28th, 2009 at 10:08 am
Great post – thanks for sharing!