1. Graham’s new hobby is humming loudly. Monotone. MMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmm
mmmmmMM
MMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMmmm
It’s in the background while we talk or drive or eat or do schoolwork. I ask him to PLEASE STOP the loud hum. He stops. Then a minute later I realize I’m tense for some reason and oh my god there is that humming again.
“Graham, what [...]
It’s two in the morning. I can’t blame the kids anymore — they sleep plenty thanks to my own personal ultimate child sleep training program (in six short years you too can develop your baby’s perfect sleeptime habits!). So now you will figure out that I’m not tired all the time because I have young [...]
Today is my birthday! I’m 36. Kevin says it’s a special birthday because the second number will only be double the first number one more time in my life. Because I am unlikely to live to be 612 especially given how much I like to eat cheese and salsa.
The boys made me a gluten free [...]
Early last summer, Nicolaus announced a reading strike. It was management’s fault for letting negotiations disintegrate to that degree by refusing to compromise on the existence of the silent K and the fickle letter y.
He has always resisted reading, and honestly it was something I had to shift my expectations on. I was one of [...]
Did any of the Surrealists have children? Or the Dada guys? Because every day I encounter tiny plastic animals guarding my shoes, or I find complicated waxed-yarn sculptures balanced carefully on the cream cheese. There are toothbrushes suction cupped to our bathroom mirror. Today I had lunch with people wearing togas who don’t think I’m [...]