electric boogaloo

Proposals

1. I propose that we change the name of this tool:

to Spatula.

And this tool:

we change to Batter Scraper.

And this tool:

and this one

shall be called Mr.Scoopy.

And these:

will be called Science Slurpee Straws

And these:

Will be called What Am I even Cooking Here? Fish? Is it fish? Let’s call this a Fish Turner.

2. I further propose that we change the name of Daylight Savings Time to something that will help people remember which way it goes. Like Moresleep’s Eve or something in the fall, and it could be a holiday which features drinking wine and being hungover. Then in the spring we could have something like Jumping Day. These will be fun holidays with little cakes and things, and they will be connected to the season rather than to each other.

3. For people with combo-type IBS, let’s make a pill that is half laxative and half immodium. I’m hoping that Stop-n-Go will license their logo to us. My backup name is Stopalax. Or Go-dium.

Similarly, I want a pill that’s half Ambien and half Provigil. It will make you stay awake for 24 hours, and that whole time you will be talking dreamstate nonsense. I’m trying to decide whether these should be packaged like the dual-flavor packs of Nerds, or if it should be half and half, OR smashed all together like shampoo+conditioner.

4. All parents who are frustrated by the way that high-stakes testing has hijacked education? Shall encourage their children to mark the letter C for every single answer to every question. This act of civil disobedience aims to shift the conversation back to what matters. How do we want to educate our kids? What’s the goal here? And how is handcuffing our best teachers to a test helping us reach that goal?

5. Further to this proposal, I humbly suggest that Jeggings be banned from this earth forever, not because I care about anyone else’s style choices but because they are that uncomfortable.

posted by electric boogaloo in Journal and have Comments (12)

12 Responses to “Proposals”

  1. J. says:

    What about “spring forward, fall back”? Doesn’t that help? I definitely agree about jeggings.

  2. electric boogaloo says:

    It does help, but it would be nice if it was more of a holiday rather than that hassle thing you have to remember exists and then remember a little saying. Spring back and fall forward? No, wait… Oh yes!

    It would be like if instead of Mother’s Day and Father’s Day we had two occurrences of Parents Day and there were little sayings to help you remember Moms in May and Dads in Djune or something.

    Now that I think about it though, this is one of the lamer proposals. But I have no line-item veto. Sorry folks, you have to take the whole package!

  3. Yep I can do that. Especially as the word fall for autumn just seems lazy. And cup cakes are always a good idea. And no tests.

  4. liz says:

    I love your proposals. They are awesome.

  5. Hmm, I thought the first item was already called a spatula. What is its proper name, if not a spatula? I agree that the batter-scooping spatulas should be renamed.

    I am afraid that your noting that jeggings are uncomfortable implies that you already own a pair. :-)

  6. electric boogaloo says:

    Apparently those things are called Pancake Turners. Which is wrong! They are supposed to be spatulas! From the Latin, Spat meaning “flat” and Ula meaning “long-handled cooking tool thingy”

  7. electric boogaloo says:

    And yeah. I grabbed a pair of jeggings on sale thinking they might be the magic solution to all of my jeans wearing problems. I love leggings, I like the look of jeans! This will be perfect! Ohhhhh but they turned out to be the absolute worst of both worlds: the discomfort and ill-fittingness of jeans with the casual “I give up” look of leggings!

  8. Carina Marshall says:

    Just so you know…here in Australia, number one is called an egg flip. Number two is the only thing that is called a spatula. :)

  9. magni says:

    In Norwegian spatula (the batter scraper) is called “slikkepott”, as in “lickpot”. I have never seen another name used for it.

    I never remember what is Daylight Savings Time and what is not – Norwegians are again clever, and call it either summertime or wintertime. Not that anyone remembers which way to turn the clocks, but at least we know whether it’s summertime or wintertime :) (Well, we turn the clock towards the closest summer.)

  10. electric boogaloo says:

    I love the name Slikkepott. Perfect! What is the Norwegian word for the flat pancake turner thingy?

  11. Sonja says:

    I agree with you that it is very odd that the flipper utensil and the batter scraper are both called spatulas. I have a very hard time accepting this. I will call the latter a batter scraper from now on and feel better about the world.

    I also agree with you about the standardized test nonsense. Are you just commenting on that? You’re not trapped in it as a homeschooler, are you? I’m homeschooling one of my daughters, but the other one is going to a Waldorf school which is K-8. There’s no testing there until 7th or 8th grade when they give them the Iowa test because the kids need test scores in order to get into high school. My daughter is still in kindergarten. I’m hoping against home that the school will expand to include high school by the time she’s going into 9th grade so that we can avoid the whole thing. Till college, I guess. Her school says they have no plans to expand, but I’ve got eight years to break them, I mean convince them.

  12. electric boogaloo says:

    In Georgia, homeschoolers have to take the tests every two years starting in third grade — which for Nicolaus is this year. We’re not excited. But then, this is Atlanta where the schools very nearly lost accreditation over systemic teacher cheating, so I don’t know how worried I should be.

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